Sitting alone in the flat, doing random things on the laptop and trying to feel everything is normal. Its too much to ask for. Growing up in a family, where religion and faith are the backbones for survival, instinctively builds up a faith within you and a love for those very rituals you will not approve of, were you to speak outside the house. Nevertheless I enjoy doing those very rituals. Somehow it nurtures my faith and belief that there is someone far more powerful watching and will listen to my prayers.
Its difficult to grow up in today's world. There are so many conflicting premonitions you grow up within you. Faith and religion are one example.
From the earliest days i remember I have been performing and believing in so many Pujas. Start Durga Puja and the ten days the atmosphere at home is entirely different. Its just the Puja you would talk about. Somehow the whole environment appears serene and peaceful and you so very want it to remain there forever. I know it is because we do put in effort (at least my mother does) to make it so. But that is again due to the Puja itself. Had there been no Puja days would have passed the way it does for major part of the year. In short, i believe in these rituals and i know i will never be able to get over them. The piousness i feel in a temple and my puja room cannot be found anywhere. And my whole life i am going to search for them.
However ask me about religionists and I will look at you with loath. I hate when they convert for religion, when they exploit for religion and when they fight and kill for religion. I dont understand where believing in something gives me the right to kill for it. There have been so many revolutions in History - named and un-named - where common people have fought those who believed and asked us to believe that religion is everything and rules have to be followed as they were written millennia ago. There was Renaissance in Europe when Protestants were born who believed that God did not write rules; he just wanted us to do what is right and good. Similar movements in India were Buddhism and Jainism when people realized the flaws with the present religion and altered it to be right the way they believed it to be. More modern steps in this direction were Arya Samaj and the Bhakti Movement which preached that "the main spiritual practice is loving devotion" and not following rituals. If people could understand and rectify these flaws a century ago, why a century later we are so incapable of defining whats wrong and whats right and whats conducive to the era we live in?
I think what we lack are good leaders. The so called secular leaders of India are only politicians and politicians to the core. Its not what they believe in; its only the party's policy. They would change their ideals the day their party thinks that the majority of Indian population thinks otherwise. And that is what loosens our stand in asking them to represent us; those who believe in faith and not religion. Those who believe that different religions are just different forms of worship; very similar to the difference in a North Indian marriage and a South Indian one. Are they not different forms of Hinduism only? Will we fight over that? Then why fight over Hinduism or Islam or Christianity or any other religion in the world. They are just different faces of a regular piramid. Whatever face you look through centre is equidistant and visible to all. Why be a kindergarten and fight over which face is better or should only be there? Without even one face the Pyramid wont exist, isnt it?
